News

.... Styx has a boyfriend now. She wanted to tell me about it long before but I wasn't replying to her texts and missed calls. Sorry if I've been unresponsive to your alerts. I didn't realize you were raring to tell me about the good news through those usual cheer-up text messages and missed calls. When I miss-call somebody, it usually means I just pressed the wrong keypad. In her case I didn't know it was news.I was caught off-guard and was prompted to call her. So happy for you, Styx. Hope he truly deserves you. But hey, you have yet to file that resignation from our org. Submit it to me ASAP :)
.... Sharon, one of my best buds got married last week and she didn't tell me about it until now. She said it was a small but solemn wedding so she didn't bother announcing it to me.And she's 3 months on the family way. Gosh. Everybody's grown up. Her text message left me almost falling off my seat that I ended up calling her too, just right after talking to Styx.
....Jay and Betty are getting married, not to each other but to their respective sweethearts, sometime next year. Jay was back home 2 weeks ago, dropped by the reading room for a chat. He cheerfully showed me the pic of his fiancee. Chinky-eyed and pretty. His sister Badet told me she's quite a catch, well-mannered and all. We, his friends have witnessed Jay fall in and out of love. Finally, he finds his match. Betty is coming home this month . Elaine is also coming home within the month, so I'm seeing my good friends again after a long time. What do you know, Elaine will be the next to bear the news that she is tying the knot, WITH somebody and not ON somebody.
.... As much as I wanted to bring good news about myself, that I'm seeing someone and not seeing things, all I got is a downer. The results of the biopsy sent to the States through Elaine came out today. It confirmed the findings of cancer. Guess this is it. Fight or flight. My plan? Long term- die. Short term-use my remaining strength and enjoy what's left of my years. No worries. It's just cancer after all. Just cancer. Nothing will faze me anymore.

The Ideal Man

I was browsing through friendster when suddenly I noticed the change of picture of the guy who for the longest time I called “my ideal man”. I clicked his thumbnail for a closer look and read in his profile that he was single again. I hurriedly scanned through his photos and didn’t find the picture of his girlfriend that he used to lovingly post there.

It’s been three years since I’ve come to realize that a guy as splendid as he is can actually walk the face of this planet. Dig this: high school valedictorian, team captain of his school varsity basketball team, prom king, graduated from a quota program in a top university where only the best are granted admission and only the toughest actually breeze through the entire 4 years without being advised to shift into more benign management courses. He nailed it, with a qpi always above 3.00 (the highest being 4.00) amidst the demands of his role as a college jock. He was bent on winning, along with his teammates, the title that evaded them and belonged to the rival school for a long time. He wasn't disappointed. In his last year with the team, they managed to snag the title at long last. He wrote several essays that exemplified his passion for his sport and revealed his emotional, human side. He was born to a well-off family who resides in one of the posh villages in Makati. Despite that, he was never a brat who got his way through parental influences. He was raised with the values of hard work and integrity instilled in him. This is a person whose rare qualities have gained the respect of his friends, colleagues and superiors, male and female alike. Add to that the fact that he doesn’t smoke, drink nor curse. A rare species who, according to one of his friends, excuses himself when the air starts to fill with sexist jokes. A gentleman who knows how to acknowledge his legion of admirers, without flirting back at the women who throw themselves at him. In fact, he’s too kind, too proper that any woman who tries to seduce him would want to repent a la Mary Magdalene afterwards (not that I attempted at one point). And yes, I heard you. He’s not gay, moron. He’s got more qualities to prove his masculinity than the tired cliched proof of raging male hormones. Knowing my aesthetic sense, to top these credentials are his amazingly good looks and heart-arresting smile bound to give the close-up toothpaste models a run for their money. And yet his greatness lies in his humility. Sigh. As of writing this entry I think I’m starting fall all over again.

I decided it would be wiser not to disclose the name of this rare object of my astonishment, who is extinct enough to be tagged an urban legend, because his family and friends might google his name and find out a certain blogger is lusting after their precious one. Yes, he's the guy on the picture, he’s on my friendster and his photo perpetually appears on my flickr zeitgeist to the right of this page. Let’s just call him Marius (it’s close to his real name anyway). I remember dragging Ai all the way to Makati Coliseum to watch one of his games. We barely caught him play as we arrived while the game was running its 2nd half. Truth is, he wasn’t even among the first five in his team. In fact he was benched most of the time, a far cry from his stellar status in his high school varsity days. But I watched him like a hawk whenever he was allowed in the game and rooted like a banshee whenever his shots made it. He was quite good in 3-pointers. Even with his talent and passion, he was practically drawn to the sidelights. Apparently, better and bigger players in his league got the most following. Come to think of it, it is much better that it turned that way. Otherwise, Kris Aquino would have snagged him had he made it to the PBA. But I guess it wasn’t his being a jock that amazed me. It was the total package that I found impressive.

When Ai and I dropped by the gym where his team practiced, to buy souvenir varsity jackets, he was there. The heavens parted, the angels sang their allelluias, the environment froze, as I watched a moving poetry right before my eyes. The guy of my dreams has come to life.Where has he been all this time? Just as I was enjoying the glorious reverie, earth pulled me back when Ai tapped my shoulder and motioned towards the shop we were looking for. Later when we walked down the stairs, he was heading upwards. We met halfway through it and I was THISCLOSE to him. I could feel my heart thumping wildly that moment that I was worried if it was audible from his distance. If I had it my way, I would have entangled him with my arms, knocked him to the ground and planted a big slurpy kiss. But this was real life, I being my usual tame self, pretending not to care that he was around. If he could only read the lewd images running in my mind that time, he wouldn’t dare come close to me within 100 feet.

For a creature as close to perfection as Marius, all that was lacking in his life then was the perfect girl. Before I could volunteer, he found her just in time (lucky him). She was everything a guy could wish for. A smarty pants, a leader, a dancer, a heartthrob and practically an ethereal being just like him. She was his female counterpart. My heart broke but delighted in the fact that he made excellent choices. For a mere mortal like me, I knew I was no match for someone like him. Guys of his kind were a long shot. It wasn’t right looking for the perfect one when I knew my imperfections were blaring out loudly. Until now, this continues to be my greatest flaw, going for those who are out of my league. Seeking perfection when I, myself am not perfect. On the other hand, it’s not right to settle for someone who defy the ideals that I keep. I don’t agree with lowering one’s standards just so others can keep up. It’s them who should be raising their standards. There’s ought to be someone just right for each one.

Marius found and lost the girl of his dreams. But in time, he will find someone just as special. Unfortunately, as much as I wanted to file an application for the newly vacated position, I don’t qualify. Not in this lifetime. Besides, while he is someone I perceive to be an ideal man and that he made my heart flutter, I was infatuated but never really in love with him. Though I kept our exchange of text messages and emails safe somewhere, I never knew him that well for love to blossom. As every girl dreams of her prince charming, he was the picture of the prince I’ve been hoping to come to life. The sun is setting and my own Marius is nowhere in sight. All I see are knights in rusty armors.It's getting late. I could keep on waiting, but someone who comes after midnight and before sunrise could either be a thief, a vampire or someone with horny intentions. Maybe I should give it a rest. As Palanca Awardee Jessica Zafra puts it, “ the perfect man is a figment of some gullible woman’s imagination. Never has and never will exist. So don’t be a ditz. Stop waiting.” Ouchies. Couldn’t have been said better.

Videoke Again! It Means I'm Feeling Better Now.

Fellowship of the Sawi

My Old Videoke buddy Rona with our new recruit, Naty

Dizay, Pie and Hya Choosing their Songs

The only boy in the fellowship, Bandoy

Bandoy coudn't get enough of it