It has been almost a month since my sudden bid of farewell to my career in internal medicine. I couldn't help it. I've been contemplating on quitting my residency training since my first month. Internal Medicine just wasn't for me. It has been brave of me to actually try it. I did enjoy it for a while. My knowledge have vastly expanded in just 2 months of training, it was fascinating to learn things that could actually help save more lives. Indeed, I saved lives, and that gave me satisfaction. However, my body can only take so much.After my morning rounds, making sure my patients were still breathing, i had to log in my progress notes for the day while analyzing what was actually happening to my patients.When a consultant arrived, I had to be with them. Some were nice as they unselfishly shared the things i ought to know and some tormented me with questions that i had yet to find answers to. After then I went back finishing my progress notes while constantly being referred to for problems regarding my patients. Being assigned to the most toxic station for almost three months (i was assigned to the ward and ICU extension), it has been a routine to be doing CPR, emergency intubation and pronunciation of death from time to time. I was afraid my heart was getting calloused. But that's how life goes. Being in the medical field, we couldn't afford to be too emotional. Otherwise, we'd crack up.
During the night, if i were on 24 hrs duty, i admitted patients at the ER. I was notorious for being toxic. Patients would come all at the same time and I had to attend to them as fast as I could. There were ward calls on the side.If they needed urgent attention, I had to do something about it. During the dawn, admissions still kept coming. The phone in the doctors' quarters kept ringing that you'd want to bang it on the wall. I was tired but I couldn't complain. I chose that kind of job. I had to live with it.
The next day we would be endorsing our patients in the presence of our consultants. More questions thrown that needed answers I had yet to find.Sometimes despite our efforts, we still ended up being thought of as irresponsible. Now that sucks. After endorsements, I was on my way making my rounds again and the routine previously stated above, over again, until 5 in the afternoon, without being able to sleep the night before. There were times I almost broke down from sheer exhaustion. After coming home, I could barely open my eyes. Sleeping, my favorite hobby has become a luxury. This was supposed to go on for three years and another three more years of subspecialty... why did I choose to be a doctor in the first place?
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