My surgeon, Doc Frankie, who, like me is battling cancer, invited me to join this group. After being diagnosed with the disease, I just wanted to curl up and die. I chose not to be treated. My doctor went out of her way to convince me to choose life. She was reaching out to me not as an attending physician but as a friend. With hesitation, I signed up with the group. Deep down, I wondered if I deserved to be among them. They were brave, positive and inspiring, everything that I wasn't. Some of them are prominent figures in media while the rest are successful women in their respective fields. All of them strong and determined to fight cancer. I felt like a lost duckling in a flock of eagles. I hardly participated in the exchange of emails among members.
In the Breast Cancer forum which they organized lately, I got to meet them personally. We members could identify one another with our distinct name tags. When they saw me, they welcomed me with much warmth, hugged me like they've known me for ages. There were unspoken words that said, "I know exactly how you feel". Although they call themselves survivors, they were aware that the struggle of a cancer patient extends beyond treatment and remission. Most of them, though finished with treatments know that there will always be the possibility of recurrence, for as long as we live. Hence the need to draw strength from one another.They offered words of encouragement and hope. In the dinner they hosted for members from outside of Manila, I got to chat with them more.I never felt like an outsider. Their presence was comforting and not the least bit intimidating, even if I got a little starstrucked by some of them sometimes. They were a happy bunch. Their positive outlook was contagious. They were all so full of life, with no trace of cancer that once hit them.
Being diagnosed with cancer is like being issued an open ticket to the afterlife. You know that anytime you could go, you just don't know when exactly. It's then up to you how you spend your time when it isn't your scheduled flight yet. You could either drop everything that's going on in your life, head straight to the predeparture area, wait indefinitely for your turn to board . Or you could keep the ticket safe, go on with life, savor every moment of it, correct the things that need to be fixed, speak the words that should be spoken , laugh a lot and yet still be mindful of the boarding call that could come anytime. An advantage of having an illness like cancer is that it allows you to prepare, appreciate the little things that you used to ignore, and let go of the unecessary baggages. If I were to believe in statistics that say I only have 56% chance of surviving beyond 5 years, then I should be deciding at this time what pictures to put atop my coffin, songs to play at my funeral and the like. But then I choose to believe beyond what statistics offer. My newfound family taught me one important lesson in life: to believe. This is how they found their own silver linings. I believe there's a God seeing me through all these. I believe He knows what's best for me. I believe He brought me here for a reason. I have a task to fulfill. If my sufferings bring me closer to accomplishing my purpose, so be it. His will be done. Cancer once made me feel so out of control over my own life. Now I have learned to surrender everything to Him, let him take over the steering wheel of my life, while I relax and enjoy the journey. I know I'm in safe hands even as I go through rough patches of the road. I will be where I should be in His time.
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