Disarmed and Dangerous

I was on my 4th day of rehab and so far i'm seeing improvements. Still not 100% back to normal but at least i'm witnessing steady progress. No, I'm not a drug junkie though my anorexic-like frame could mistake me for one. My rehab has to do with the physical therapy I'm undergoing to restore the normal function of my left arm. Not drug rehab.

Still havent gone back to work this week. I was hoping things would have been better before Monday but despite my efforts, my arm was still causing havoc everywhere. Still dropping and slapping objects unintentionally. I really wanted to go back to work, not because I'm a workaholic but because I feel I've been gone for too long that somebody might put me in the missing persons list already. The fact that I barely started my residency 4 months ago, I wouldn't want them to think that I've contemplated on quitting again.

This brachial plexopathy was an unforeseen complication of the mastectomy. I thought everything was going to be ok a week after the surgery and I could resume my usual activities after 2 weeks. I never imagined losing function of one of my extremities would be this difficult and would take this long to correct. My rehab doctor noted some of my muscles started showing signs of atrophy. She advised that I undergo an EMG (electromyography) test in Cebu for prognostication. I am counting this is something reversible.

At this time some areas in my left arm are still numb while motor functions of some muscles especially the biceps have been severely affected. I cannot lift anything in the supine position of the arm. It always turns the other way around. When I tried eating a sundae cone using my left hand, yeah you know what happened next.

I'm worried about going back to work in this state. I'm wondering how I'd carry my food tray, my books, my stuffs without causing catastrophe to the people around me. I'm really hoping that I'll be well enough by this weekend. I'm watching the MYMP concert with Pips this Saturday and she doesn't know my arms are still flying at this time. I didn't want her to cancel my ticket if she learns that I'm not perfectly well yet. I wanted to watch this one so badly.

My surgeon wants to have my biopsy slides reviewed when she goes to Manila next month. She thinks my case was an interesting one. No one would suspect it would be ductal papilloma based on clinical presentation. I just hope if they read it otherwise, it wouldn't turn out to be something more morbid. If it does, I really don't know what to do next coz I'm losing strength by now, figuratively and literally speaking. I'm honestly trying to fight my battles as courageously as I can but I don't know how long I can hold it. Really, I hope there would be an end to these soon. Please God, hear me out.